I think Coke threw up in my apartment...

I've been wanting to sell my coke collection for a little while now, and I have finally started taking the time to pull it out of storage, and making an inventory of everything I have.

Here's the deal. I've been collecting for about 15 years now. This means I had 13, yes, THIRTEEN boxes in my storage unit. Here's where I get bright! :-) I decided that it would be better to bring all of it to my apartment, in case anyone wants to buy it. My Apartment is only 650 sq. ft, so I'm already cramped!! You can only imagine what adding all this did. I don't even have a place to sit!!

I put out an email to my staff at work, and already sold about $100 worth, so I knew there was a possibility of selling more...

I would normally never invite you into my apartment when it's turned upside down like this, but I actually find it quite humorous this time. :-)

Daisee loves it!! It's one massive chew toy for her!!!!!

She's tried every corner of every box. / Living Room...



Dining Table / Computer desk...books are to find values


Behind chair in living room / Stuff i threw in Dish Washer to clean

My kitchen counters!! This is all the counter space I have in this measly apartment too!

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ok - since I took the pictures, I've moved most of the boxes to one area while I pull each bottle (I have about 200) out, re wrap it, and label it. Now I just have bottles everywhere. ugh.

I'm just a little black rain cloud...

"Hovering over the honey trees...I'm just a little black rain cloud...pay no attention to little me." - Christopher Robin in Winnie the Pooh.

I love that silly little song. and I love to sing it when it's raining outside.

This is a meaningless little post. I just wanted to say I love the rain. (I don't love that it almost gets in my apartment everytime it rains. oh well. 3 months. then i'm out.)

Growing up in the country makes it really hard for me not to just run out and play when it's falling.

The smell. The coolness. The darkness. The sound. relaxing.

Isn't God amazing with what He can do?

Now sit back...relax...enjoy the rain. (But run if a tornado comes your way!)

Finally Human

This was my to to list at work today. May not seem like much to some people, but this is HUGE compared to what I normally have to do. I normally have time to change my myspace page 5 to 6 times a day, and rearrange my desk about 3 times, check the kitchen for snacks randomly throughout the day, and occasionally take a nap (not on purpose, either! HA!). Anyways - So this morning, I felt great when I got up. Even got up about 7, ate breakfast, watched the morning news, and then got ready for work. I was even on time for the first time in several weeks. I was reminded when I got to work what kind of week I had last week, because I couldn't clock in. See, once you've been clocked in for so many hours, you can do anything with the time clock. I clocked in on Friday, July 11, and hadn't clocked out since. That meant I had to go through and write all my hours by hand so someone else could go in and fix my big mess. Thanks Angie! :-) Thankfully, I got most of the things done on my list. I only have one boss in town this week, so my work for her can be done at a slower pace. I'm hoping the rest of the week will be the same! I have a conference on Friday, so I'm only in the office 4 days this week. Love those weeks!

Not only have I been productive at work, but at home, too. I had let my apartment get a little out of hand, and I took care of that Saturday. ALL clothes washed, folded, and put up. Toilet scrubbed, sinks and bathtub scrubbed, floors mopped, everything dusted, and things just back in order. *sigh* Now I don't feel guilty for sitting here, writing this blog!

Ok, now, as promised. My update from yesterday. The shower was great! Even though I knew like 4 people, it was still good. She didn't come - for reasons that are a little fuzzy. I heard one reason from her brother while I was there, but John thinks that she probably found out he and I were going to be there, so she didn't come. I don't know which is true, and I'm not going to waste my time thinking about it. There's actually a part of me that wants to meet her. I've really only heard good things about her. We all have our baggage, so why should I use that against someone I don't know?

The baby shower did make me a little sad. ok. jealous. so Christian-like, huh? I'm so green right now. :-( I want a baby so bad! One day, I'll be married again, and that will come true.

ok...well...no news on the weight today. I'm holding steady, but hopefully my new found energy will start helping that. The only thing I'll say is - I CAN'T DANCE (not even to the exercise dance videos!!) Dang my Baptist feet!! HA HA

Laterz....

*UPDATE*

I forgot! Some of you may know that I sing. I love to sing. I feel it's my God-called talent - to stand on a stage and lead worship. I couldn't find a place more rewarding, and more comforting, than in the presence of my Lord...singing, and worshipping him - hands raised, and vulnerable. Thank you Lord for the voice you've given me. Well, I have also been singing the National Anthem at airshows for 6 years. I kinda have an "in", since my dad's the airboss (air traffic control for all the planes in the shows). Shows I've sang at include: Galveston, Wings over Houston, Laredo, New Braunfels, and Jasper. This year, I've done Laredo and Galveston- well the one day it didn't rain... I had been invited back to Wings Over Houston, but today was informed that the announcer they hired also sings the anthem, so it made more sense to use what they already had, rather than pay someone else to come in. I was totally fine with that. It's kind of an answered prayer, anyways. I'll explain that one later too. The good news from my phone call was this...I'm being HIGHLY recommended to sing the anthem at the Lackland AND the Randolph AFB shows this year!! WOO HOO!! I think it would awesome, and a great honor to be chosen for these two shows. Randolph would actually be next year, but Lackland is the first weekend in November. I'm praying I'm chosen for this one!!!

Tough Week...

Well, I'm one week in, and boy, let me tell you. I always choose the absolute worst times to start these things, and satan always throws things in my way to deter me from my goals. He's normally successful. I refuse to let him be this time. Here's a summary since my last post.

I was suffering from an inner ear infection, so I was barely able to stand up part of the time, due to the vertigo, and dizziness. Hard to do any exercises through all that. I did use the bean, until the dizziness was unbearable.

I have managed to start taking my Synthroid every day. I've started taking it at night, rather than in the morning, and this helps. I already feel a lot better since getting that back into my system on a regular basis.

The eating? well, that's a hard one. You see, I'm one that tends to eat when I'm upset or depressed. and I've been depressed this week.

Friday night, I went to Scott's house to get the last of my things. Scott is moving this coming weekend to Dallas. Even though we aren't married anymore, and both of us know that we aren't going to get back together, I've had a very hard time dealing with the fact that he's moving. He's the reason I moved to San Antonio in the first place, and even though I have John, I feel like I'm all alone out here. This one is hard to explain, so I'm not even going to try. I couldn't even watch him drive off the other night. I haven't cried that hard in a long time. I will miss him. I also said goodbye to my dogs. Only if you're a dog lover would you understand how hard it is to let them go. I don't know when I'll ever see them again. As a going away present from their momee, I bought them a big bag of rawhides to take with them. They're going to need something to keep them occupied, since they will be living with Uncle Mike, Aunt Patti, Cousin Katie, and newest cousin, Tinkerbelle (the cocker spaniel). Thank you to John for being so understanding when I am upset over this. I can't imagine how hard it is for him to see me grieve over Scott. I will always grieve the loss of my marriage. I will always love Scott, just not as my husband.

my mom has also been back on a downhill slope. I try my best not to get frustrated but I can't help it. As if I don't have enough going on over here...My mom's down, and several of my family members have had serious health issues, and it stresses me to no end that I'm 5 hours away from all of them. I need to be there. but I can't. We got in a big argument the other day over something I can't talk about on here, and that's the first time that's happened in a LONG time.

I have tried to be more active...get up and do things (which is so hard when the depression and the "oh woe is me" crap kicks in). John's parents have a swimming pool, and since i LOVE to swim, I've enjoyed spending Sunday afternoons swimming. It's great exercise. I finally had some motivation to get up and clean my apartment Tuesday. It's a wreck since I had to make room for my entertainment center I got from Scott. Yesterday, I decided to take the day off. I needed a day where I could just have fun. Not worry about work, not have to go to the doctor, not be at home sick....John and I went to Schlitterbahn. What a blast! I've never been there, so i just had a ton of fun. I did learn, however, that I may be allergic to the tubes, since I have a HUGE rash on both arms where I was resting on the tube. Yuck! I would say I got plenty of exercise out there, though! Lots of walking!

All that being said - I have lost 2 pounds this week, which puts me at 143. Doesn't sound like a lot, but it's perfectly healthy to lose it slower like that. Here's hoping to three more pounds by the end of July!

On another note...here's something weighing on my mind right now...---This is totally a girl thing, since even though we may not think we are, we are so competetive when it comes to relationships, and our significant others. I have never been with a guy before that blatantly gets hit on - RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME. I'm like HELLO!!! Stupid girl, can't you see he's with someone?? Sometimes, it's humerous, but sometimes it's not. In case you don't know, John is an installer for Time Warner Cable. This means - he goes into people's houses. all. day. long. There have been a couple of times where he and a teammate have had to leave a house because the girls were hitting on them so bad. Recently, he had one follow him every where he went, asking him questions about cable. I'm like "silly John! She didn't care about the cable!!" HA! Ok, so this weekend, some friends of ours are having a baby shower. I don't care for showers right now, seeing as how I want a baby, but am not at a stage in life right now where I can have one...*this can be another post*. I've already skipped on two showers. I can't miss this one. The husband in this couple also happens to be John's best friend, who also happens to be the brother of John's ex. the ex he dated for 7 years. SEVEN YEARS. I was married that long. John went through a lot with this girl. She knew/knows? him better than anyone else. Until I finally put a stop to it, she was still texting him his horoscope every day. She was still calling him when her car broke down (oh, she lives in Dallas). She apparently got upset when she showed up at his parent's house one day, and saw a picture of us on the fridge. While I was out of town, he stayed at my apartment, because she spent the night at his house. (She's still good friends with John's cousin Brian, who he was living with at the time.) Soooooo....Is she gonna be at the baby shower Sunday?? Jason has requested John's presence, so that they can keep each other occupied while the girls are doing their thing. :-) She could be a perfectly nice gal, but I think this could be really awkward. John showing up to her parents house for a baby shower with his new girlfriend. *sigh* I'll definitely let you know how that one goes. I forgot how dating relationships were! I'm over my insecurities with him, and I totally trust him. I know without a doubt that he loves me, and would not do anything to hurt me. I just need to meet the girl and get it over with. I'll be better after that.

ok...I've ranted long enough on that one. Gotta work now. ugh. work.

New Beginnings

Well...here it is. I'm about to do something I've never done before. This is the beginning of my new Journal, if you will. I've decided to make some changes in my life, and I'm going to document them here.

Since my divorce, I've really let myself go. I've not felt great physically, and I've just not taken care of myself like I should. There have been countless nights of no sleep, eating out, veggin' on the couch, and turning down opportunities of going out, and actually getting physical. oh, and let's not forget the Myspace addiction.

I made myself a promise a long time ago that I would not end up like my mom. Depressed, locking myself in the house with every door and window shut, and in bed by 6:30 each evening. I love my mother dearly, but this is not how I want to spend my life. I want to get out, and be happy, and have lots of friends...

Since moving to San Antonio 3 years ago, I have gained over 20 pounds. This sucks, not only because I'm gaining weight, and I'm miserable, but I don't have the money to just go out and buy new clothes. I have nothing to wear, and no way to go out and get any. I've finally recieved my IRS Stimulus check and have decided that I'm going to put most of it in savings, and use is as a reward for meeting some goals I've set for myself.

John has promised me that he would be there to encourage me, and motivate me, and make me get up and do something, even if I don't want to.

Here are my current stats - probably a little more information than most people would want to see, but here they are -

Weight - 145 lbs
Height - 5'3"
Waist - 38"
Hips - 39"
Chest - 34"
Bust - 41"

Now - before anyone says anything - I'm not in any way saying I'm fat, and I need to be 100 lbs again. I'm sick of hearing "You're so skinny, you don't need to lose weight." grrr...I've heard that all my life. Just like large people don't like hearing they are large and need to lose weight, some small people don't like hearing they're too skinny all of the time. The fact of the matter is - I AM overweight for my age and height. I have only gained it in my stomach and my boobs. Women pay thousands of dollars to have the bust size I do, and right now, I'd pay thousands to shrink them down. I don't like the attention they bring. Boys will always be boys, and fact of the matter is - they're gonna look. I'm just not comfortable with that.

I need to get this under control, and beat the large family genes. That's all I need to say about that.

Ok - for my goals:
I'd like to lose between 15 - 20 pounds. I'm going to try for 5 lbs a month, or 3 months. I'd like to be healthier all the way around. I want to feel better, as well as look better, and be able to wear cute clothes again! :-)

The way I plan to acheive this is -
1. 8 hours of sleep
2. Get up early enough to eat breakfast
3. Smaller food portions
4. Less fast food
5. Use my newly acquired "Bean" for the recommended 7 minutes each day
6. Take a walk/jog a couple of evenings a week
7. Take my Synthroid medication regularly again
8. (this is the hardest one) Cut Out down Dr. Pepper


I know there are a ton more things I could do, and I know I won't do all of these, but these are a start for me. The downside for me, is that since I've been small most of my life and had the metabolism of a 5 year old - i never had to watch what I ate, and I was definitely more active, and not purposely. I never knew how to work out, eat right, live healthy. Now I sit at a desk all day, and I eat when I get bored. I now have the metabolism of a 36 year old. that HAS to change. So, I guess it's time I learn all those things.

I start by praying to God that He would help me through this new way of life, and to bring people to me that will encourage me to keep on, and bring me friends that might actually like to work out with me eventually. It's got to be more fun than doing this alone. I pray that God gets all the glory for any accomplishments and goals that I reach.

Phillipians 4:13 - I can do ALL things through Christ who strenthens me.

Lord,
I come to you today, broken, and broken-hearted. I come to you boldly asking you to help me through this tough time in my life. I pray, Lord, that you give me my strength back, and my motivation to live life again. Help me to let go of the past, and move on with the future. Please help me to look to You, and You only from here on out. I pray specifically that you help me through my new exercise regimen, and help me to stick with it, even when Satan tempts me to stay down. My body is Yours, Lord, and I need your help to take care of it.

My reward?
I'm going to let my hair grow out until I reach my goal weight - then I will go someplace nice to have it cut, styled, and maybe even get some lowlights. I will also be pulling some of the money from my check out of savings to buy some new clothes. Then I'm going on a hot date. :-)