Exposed and Unhappy

*WARNING* Feminine details ahead...

So - As I've mentioned in previous blogs, John and I would like to have a baby. Since I've moved to another side of town, and I like to try and schedule my Dr. Appointments for my off days, i decided to change doctors. I liked my other one, she's just a good long way from here. Soooo...I get a referral from my PCP. Let's just call the new ObGYN Dr. K.

First, I had to wait nearly two months to get in, so I thought - wow. She must be great! I patiently waited, and as the time got closer, I was getting excited. I've tried for a baby in the past (well, sorta tried, I suppose. - no sex when you're on Clomid? Is that really trying?), and knew there were some small issues. Well - a big one - I wasn't really ovulating.

Ok - so I'm on my way to the office. I leave in plenty of time, knowing there's gonna be paperwork, and all sorts of other HIPPA stuff to deal with. I have the address and the map printed out, and it seems really easy to find. It's right next to North Central Baptist, and I've been there a couple of times, so I sorta knew what was around. The address was 502 Madison Oak. I'm driving around, and the map takes me directly to the "Emergency Vehicles Only" entrance, and the HELIPAD!! Oh CRAP! I need to get out of here quickly. I drove all the way around the hospital, and I saw 505 Madison Oak, and then it jumped to 540 Madison Oak. What the..?? Of course, I didn't have the phone number, so I had to call someone back at my office to get the phone number off of the website. I call them, and it's THEN they inform me that they are located INSIDE the hospital. Hello? That would have been a nice bit of information to give me on the phone.

I arrive at the office, and I'm greeted by a girl who obviously is annoyed by having to come to work every day. I hate the HIPPA junk, where the office is all enclosed behind a peice of glass. The girl watched me sign in through the glass so that she would know who I was...went to the back, did a few things, and then opened the glass. There was no "hello...how are you..." nothing. Just a "there's a lady in front of you. Have a seat, and have your ID and insurance card out when I call you back up." By the time I got to my seat, she was calling me back. Grrr...

She was just very cold, and that pretty much set the tone for the rest of the visit. It wasn't long before I was called back, and the nurse was pretty friendly. She talked to me more than anyone else. She took me down a long hall to a bathroom, cause I had to take a pregnancy test. I'm a week late, and have had two negative tests so far. So...lovely - I had to carry my cup of pee all the way back to my room. For those of you that know me really well - you know I have bathroom phobias. I can't pee or anything if someone else is in the bathroom. I get all freaked out. So to carry this cup down the hall was pretty traumatizing. :-)

Finally, Dr. K comes in, and asks me what the purpose of my visit was, so I start explaining...new patient, no period, have been irregular for years now, want to get pregnant, yadda yadda yadda... She was very hard to talk to. I never got really comfortable with her. As a matter of fact, I felt plain stupid. After a couple of minutes talking to her, she left out, so I could put the gown on. It takes me less than 2 minutes, and I can hear her outside my door, talking to two men. 10 minutes later, she finally comes back in, and proceeds with the examination. Sshe asked what steps I had taken previously to make sure I was ovulating, and I told her that i physically went to the doctor, and had an ultrasound done to check.

The breast exam - I'm a very modest person. I don't like for people to see my body. My previous doc would always keep the gown closed, and respectfully do the exam under the gown. Not Dr. K. She's gonna totally expose me while laying on the table, and while I'm on the table, totally free to the world, her nurse is going to open the door wide open, and just walk on in. Lovely.

Well, basically, after I talked to her a little bit, she looks at me, and says "Well, what do you want me to do? Your previous problems could have been your ex husband, so try some OPKs, and chart your BBT. If you're not pregnant in three months, come back and see me."

No. Thank. You.

In the mean time, I still haven't started and with my history of ruptured cysts, it makes me a little uncomfortable that she didn't give me the normal meds to jumpstart my cycle.

I think i'll go back to my old doc. Oh, and remember the part where I said I try to make appointments for my days off? My days off are Wednesdays - She doesn't work on Wednesday either.

hmmph.

It's a 'Dull' Life!

Well, once again, it's been a month! So much has happened, but not much to blog about.

I would like to re-vamp my blog a little. I need a new title. Something....catchy. Fun. What can you do with Parker?? Any ideas?

I'm still here...

somewhere.

It's been a while since I've posted, huh? oops.

Truth is - i just haven't felt like it. I've been suffering lately from the big "D".

depression.

So much has happened over the past month or so, but truth is, i still don't feel like posting.

Let's see, there was Christmas, New Year's, a terrible week back at work, the Christmas ornaments I promised to show you (last post), my "hope to accomplish in 2009" list, fully restored relationships, and maybe a few other things.

I suppose for now, I'll just write out my "Hope to Accomplish List for 2009".

(Goals is a very nasty word to me right now, due to the week I had at work last week. :-) )

• Accomplish at least 80% of this list.


• Read and Study "The Heart of the Artist"


• Go on a honeymoon with John


• Have a baby, or at least get pregnant (not looking so good so far).


• Have all Drake debts paid off - Will post about that in March.


• Get my teeth straight again


• Grow and strengthen my relationship with my Lord.


• Grow and strengthen my relationship with John.


• Tithe weekly


• Move back to Houston by this time next year.

Well, those are them for now. Most of them are pretty big, but at least they are all achievable, right?

One thing I do feel is worth mentioning is the "restored relationship" I mentioned above.

In 1993-1994, a very special family moved to Buna, TX. My new youth minister, his wife, and their 5 children. I remember those of us my age were disappointed to learn that there wasn't a really hot guy our age that we would be sharing classes with. (This was the case with all the previous ministers...they all had sons that Jamie, Lauren, and I all took turns dating, and fighting over. HA!) Turns out, that was just fine. I soon became close to one of the daughters, who was a few years younger than I. I was also very close to her mom. I really looked up to her for everything.

Well, I'm not sure what happened, but she (the daughter), and I grew apart. We both talked about each other, backstabbed each other, and sometimes, I think we competed for the same friends...

One night, my mom and I went over to their house, and had a long talk to try and get it all out, and figure out what went wrong. We mended things right then, and although we were never close as we used to be, we didn't seem to have some kind of vendetta against each other any longer. Honestly, I think we really only talked a handful of times over the next 13 years.

This past October (15 years later), she was in San Antonio for a conference. John and I ended up picking her up from her hotel, and we went out to eat. I took her on a tour of Oak Hills Church, and we really had a great visit. I remember calling my mom and just telling her how mature and grown up she was.

Last Saturday, I got a message from her. She is studying the Fruits of the Spirit, and her focus now is Love. "Show me how to love like you have loved me." After 15 years, Jo Lynn Hawk apologized to me for all the crap that went on when we were in Jr. High and High School. I was in awe of how God is working in her life, and I put this out there publicly for everyone to see, because it meant that much to me. I apologized back to her, and told her I had forgiven her years ago.

The following week, I did the same thing. I made amends with people at work, and now, I'm working on who I need to go back, and ask forgiveness from.

Thank you, Jo Lynn for touching my life with a simple little note. You are truly growing into a mature woman of God.

Favorite Christmas Memories

As I sit here at work, listening to Christmas music and looking out the window into the dense fog, I reflect on some things that have happened over the past few weeks that I'm so thankful for, and things that I look forward to.

Things I'm thankful for:
- my dear husband, who sticks with me no matter what. He has so much patience. He makes me laugh and smile.

- my mom seems to be doing better. She has actually gotten out of the house, and visited with friends, and she even went to the Christmas Program that FBC Buna put on last week.

- my new little nephew, Nicholas Ryan. What a precious addition he is to the family.

- that God has once again spoken clearly to me about some things in my life. and that He is opening the door again for me to once again sing on the praise team.

- that John and I are trying for baby.



Things I'm looking forward to:
- waking up with John on Christmas morning

- singing Away in a Manger with my dad playing the guitar at the Candelight service Christmas Eve.

- singing with Heaven's Breath at the Candelight service

- leading music Sunday morning (dec. 28) at FBC Buna with one of my dearest friends, Mitch.

- Christmas eve with my family - Singing Christmas Carols, listening to dad play the guitar, hearing the Christmas story, and singing Silent Night, as we all think about my brother Jeremy, and how he used to sing it in German every year.

- refreshing old memories

This year is the first year I've really been in the Christmas Spirit since Jeremy died.

Now...For my favorite Christmas memories...

Every year, the day after Thanksgiving, Jeremy, Dad, and I would always go out to Double S Tree farms, and pick out the perfect Christmas tree that we were going to decorate that year. We'd go get the saw, pick it out, cut it down, and off we went. We'd go back to the house (we even did this after my parents split up), and turn down the lights, and it would begin. Dad would pull out his guitar, and Jeremy and I would begin to decorate the tree. Mom would sit back, listen and watch. We'd string the lights out, find out which ones were working, and which ones weren't. After we strung the lights on the tree, we'd pull out the ornaments. We'd laugh, and cry, and make fun of the poor little angel I made in the third grade. You see, my third grade classroom had a terrible leak in the ceiling, and one day, part of the ceiling collapsed. I'll never forget Mrs. Gerald saying "well, a couple of your Christmas Angels were crushed, but we managed to save them." Of course, mine was crushed, and wet, so the marker smeared, and well...I hope to get a picture of her while at mom's to share. Then there are all the silly little ornaments made of sweet gum balls, and lifesaver wrappers, and popsicle sticks, and then the ultimate ornament. I must preface this with - I AM NOT AN ARTIST. I should not have taken art my freshman year in high school. We made paper mache' ornaments. We blew up mini balloons, and paper mache'd them, and then painted them. My forementioned angel above looks like she came from heaven compared to my paper mache' sorry-excuse-for-an-ornament-made-by-a-14-year-old. :-) It's all caved in on one side, and it looks like I took it to a Mission Friends class and let one of the kids paint it.

It just hasn't been the same since Jeremy died. I took to some of the traditions with decorating my own tree, and still do what I can when I decorate mom's tree. Sadly, the Christmas tree farms in town have all closed, so if we want a real tree, we just go to wal-mart and pick it up. I throw on some Kenny G Christmas music, and decorate by myself.

I'm hoping as each year comes, John and I can start our own Christmas Traditions together, and that just as my parents' traditions have been passed on to me, we can do the same with our future children.

Do you have any favorite Christmas Traditions? I'd love to hear any!

I will post plenty of pictures next weekend when I'm back in San Antonio. In the country, it's hard to get any kind of good internet connection, so this will probably be my last blog for a week or so.

I hope that each of you has a very Merry Christmas, and a happy New Year!

Here's to a better year in 2009! *clink*


:-)

Thanksgivin' Happenings and More

Ok, so before I start my actual post, I have to tell y'all about something I heard this morning. I made an order with shutterfly and I never recieved my pictures, so I picked up the phone to call them this morning to check on what might have happened. The prompt menu seemed normal enough until i hear "To hear a Pirate read these options, press 6". HA!! And it actually works. You press 6, and you hear all the options read in pirate talk. Too cute. If you wanna hear, call (888) 225-7159.

ok. For my real post -
My Thanksgiving holidays were pretty fun! I got some much needed time off from work, and got my apartment all decorated up. (the first one is kinda hard to see...but all the lights are ours, and you can even see the Christmas Tree through the window. :-) )

Wednesday, John and I decided that we were going to go ahead and get our tree, and get everything decorated because we weren't going to be home on Thanksgiving, and he had to go back to work the next day. Once we picked out our tree, shoved it into the back of the Honda, and got it home, we realized we were a little short on decorations for it. It's a huge tree. Needless to say, John had to make an extra trip back to Target to get more lights.

We went with the LED lights this year. They are beautiful. So vibrant, and the colors are much more true than the regular lights. I have a lighted wreath I used to hang on my house in Houston, and when it's lit up against my LEDs on my patio, it looks so yellow. It's still pretty, though. We seem to be the only ones so far who have done anything. We've seen some other decorations, but I feel like we went all out, compared to anyone else. Maybe I'll take a drive around the complex at some point to see what else is out. Our neighbors have been very complimentary. We did have "bellicide", though. That could have been tragic. We had some bells hanging in the arch of the patio, and when they fell, they hit our neighbor's car. (Our patio is located directly above our neighbor's garage, and they park outside the garage). oops. Thankfully the only evidence was the red glitter everywhere. broke the bells, but no damage to the car, so they'll never know! :-)

That same night before Thanksgiving, my SIL, Kelli asked me if I would help her bake a Carrot Cake. I love to cook, and now that I have space, I was like "Yeah! Come on over!" so, she and her BF Chris came over. John went to the movies with a friend. Kelli, Chris, and I visited for a while, and finally went to HEB about 8:30ish. once again, like in an earlier post, i left my list at home. Thankfully, this time, we were barely out of the complex, so we turned around, picked up the list, and off we went! After our shopping trip, we came home, and started cooking. I got out everything on the list, and made the cake. I also needed to make a squash casserole, so while the cake was baking, I was clearing some space, and when I picked up the flour to put it up, I was like..."Hmmm...I wonder why I pulled this out. I didn't use it. Oh well, guess I didn't need it." WRONG! Kelli and I noticed that the cake was starting to fall, rather than rise. oops! Turns out I DID need the flour. 2 freakin' cups of it. That was the NASTIEST cake ever!! See for yourself. NOT pretty.

Kelli and I were both bummed about it, but I just promised her I would get up the next morning, and make another cake. I almost overslept, but I got up just in time, and made the cake again. This time, I only had 2 eggs, when the recipe called for three, and all the stores were closed. It still came out great! Here's my second attempt.

The actual Thanksgiving festivities were nice. We had about an hour long drive to Devine to go to an Aunt's house. They have about 33 acres of land, so it was a lot of fun to walk around. They have all sorts of trails on the property. Oh, and we visited the 10 foot rattlesnake John's uncle had shot two days before. That sucker was HUGE. I've never seen an actual rattlesnake in person. Calvin had blown it's head off and then cut the rattles off to keep as a keepsake. Or trophy. Oh, did i mention it had 15 rattles? Long rattle! calvin said he was just walking around, and that snake popped it's head up and immediatly started rattling. I would have freaked.

You can find out about my other Thanksgiving Day happening on my other blog.

On another note...At 28 years old, I discovered these. :-)

...and like them a lot.
Don't worry - not gonna get drunk or anything - I think you know me better than that. :-)

Hope y'all had a great Holiday!!

Beautiful Sunset...

It's amazing how God paints the sky in such vibrant colors. Yesterday, I rushed home, and John and I immediately got on our bikes to try and catch a sunset. We could not have timed it more perfect. We went out on the dam at Mud Creek, and captured some pictures. The great building you see with the sunset is the San Antonio, TX Mormon Temple on Stone Oak Parkway. Enjoy...




These are just some scenery pics from the same location. It's so beautiful out here.








And now for a couple of other pics...Check out the hubby...So GQ! :-) I just think he's HOT! It's ok, you can agree if you want...

Crazy Weekend...

And what a weekend it was!! Saturday started off kinda slow. I got up, got John off to work, and then just chilled on the couch and watched TV for a while. I don't get to do that very often, since I always feel like I need to clean my apartment, clean my car, run a few errands, or whatever. I'm not saying that when I need to do those things I don't watch TV, but I just feel so guilty while I'm sitting there doing it. :-) About mid-afternoon, I got up, and went to the church, because our workroom was in need of some MAJOR TLC. My little brother-in-law has been volunteering at the church on weekends, so he helped me out. It looks GREAT! That only took a couple of hours, so then I went back home and vegged for a while. I had the windows and doors open, and this is silly, but it was so cold in the apartment, I didn't want to get out from under the covers and do anything. Finally, when it reached about 55 inside, I decided to shut the doors.

John actually got off on time Saturday, which was SOOOO nice. Our off days have not lined up in two weeks, so we haven't gotten to see each other much the past couple of weeks. Just the evenings. By the time he gets home alot of nights, it's time for me to go to bed, since I have to get up so early in the morning. Last week, I traded in Resident Evil for the Wii, and got a racing game. I used to play Burnout on the Playstation 2, and loved it! Prostreet is good, too, but Burnout is still the best. (Boy, I sound like a game nerd.) Anyways - John and I make such a good team together, because he can do the drift, drag, and top speed races really good, and I can do the Grip, Sector Shootouts, and Time Attacks very good, so we dominate every race. It's awesome! hehe--

Yesterday morning, we got up and went to church, where I met the Author I am going to be working for. I've taken on a second job to make a little extra for the holidays. I'm typing a book for a new author. He will be dictating the book onto microcassettes, and he even bought me a transcribing machine to play the tapes. I do so much transcription at work, that this should be pretty easy. I just have to get used to using the machine, and also to hearing someone's voice besides my boss's. :-) Do I feel a full time, at home job in the works? :-)

After church, we went to John's parents for a little visit, and then we went to buy a wireless keyboard for the computer. (Turns out, I'm going to use my old computer, so I didn't need it anyways, but..oh well.) We went to Best Buy, and as we were walking across the parking lot, this lady stopped to let us cross the street. John made a comment about the guy behind her that had just honked at her, so we were surprised she stopped. She was on her cell phone, so she probably didn't realize she was being honked at. Well....about that time, the impatient guy behind her floored it around her, totally oblivious to the fact that we were in the street, and she was being curteous. He really didn't come that close to hitting us, but it was the principle of the matter. He could have. John decided he was going to wait at the door for the guy. He informed the employees standing at the door that he was going to have a little talk with this guy, and promised him he was going to be nice about it. Me, not wanting to see my new husband get arrested for fighting in the store, went to the back to look at keyboards. Apparently what happened was John told the guy he needed to have a chat with him, and even though the guy ignored him, John informed him that he almost hit he and his wife in the parking lot, and maybe he should be a little more considerate of pedestrians in the parking lot next time. He said the guy got really angry, and started yelling, cussing, calling him names, and all of a sudden, they were surrounded by several employees and security. The guy ended up walking off, and John apologized, and that was it. We bought our keyboard, and we were leaving the store, the lovely gentleman was in front of us. As he was backing out of his spot, he saw us, proceeded to flip us off, and flew out of the parking lot. jerk. At least John and I were ok. John only wanted to confront him, because he figured if no one ever tells this guy how inconsiderate he is, he may never think about it, and one day, he might actually hit someone. Maybe he'll at least think next time before he goes flying around someone in a parking lot. Maybe he won't.

Last night, I finally got to ride my new bike I got last week. There's a park right down the street that has some mountain bike trails so we ventured off on those. wow. that was some tough riding when you're not used to it!! I loved every minute of it though. The weather is perfect right now, and the scenery is just beautiful. Maybe next time we go out riding, I'll strap the camera on and take some pics. I love living in the Hill Country. It makes me forget I live in San Antonio.

Have a great work week!